Rachel Getting Married

    I went to Rachel's wedding and I almost left before the nuptials. I am not happy that I stayed to the bitter end: I just did. It's my job, and I am committed to the process of wading through dull movies about impossibly dysfunctional and boring people, so you will not have to. Or then again, you may choose to believe the vast balance of film critics that write that 'Jonathan Demme's "Rachel Getting Married" is a wonderful little movie: So delicious in its realistic examination of this seminal moment when lovers and families bond as one.'

    I actually did not read this insipid blather, however, it's a suitable compilation of the pseudo intellectual drivel offered by reviewers, who are trying impress someone, or quite possibly, they are impressed by the representation of some very sad lives. Or, Maybe, they were wildly entertained by the disjointed dialogue of screenwriter Jenny Lumet? Maybe it was the rambling, mumbling psycho babble of most of the actors? Possibly, could it have been the cinematography of camcorder by committee presenting to the audience this bobbling, bouncing video for our ocular entertainment?

    Actually, after reading a number of these reviews of lofty platitudes, curiosity got the better of me, and I came back to finish the movie. After I had sat through the first 35 minutes of these self-indulgent, spoiled rotten and rather stupid people, making a mess of their family, and totally lost, as their sad spirits writhe in their overtly dysfunctional world, I was ready to cut my losses and retire for the evening. Instead of cutting those losses, in lieu of the valuable commodity of sleep, I, misguidedly, continued to watch this privileged, Connecticut, white trash family feebly try to make some sense of their pathetic existence. Sadly, I continued to watch the train wreck, and I loathe myself for not averting my eyes.

    The movie was 111 minutes of near agony, and I should know, I counted them down on the DVD player until relief came as the closing credits rolled.

    Thank God.

    Rated R. Released on DVD March 10, 2009.